


to my lover in another place

by idklaur



Category: Rise NBC
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 18:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14526717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idklaur/pseuds/idklaur
Summary: in which simon saunders and his secret boyfriend finally meet





	to my lover in another place

**Author's Note:**

> you can also read on my tumblr @simonsaundrs

_To my lover in another place ___  
_I feel you, I hear you now ___  
_To my lover with another face ___  
_I dream you, to see you now ___

__

_____ _

Simon was laying on his stomach, his chin resting on his folded arms, staring at his computer screen. His room was cold and dark, but the boy looking back at him through the screen, rambling about his day, had warmed him in some type of way that was impossible to describe. Simon loved everything about Jeremy. He was smart, handsome, witty, and extremely funny. But that’s not what Simon loved most about him. He loved his eyes, which were the most beautiful shade of blue. He constantly told himself that if he only saw one color for the rest of his life, he would want to see Jeremy’s eyes. He loved how his hair fell in his face when he talked, how hard Simon would fall for him over and over again whenever he laughed. One of the things he loved the most about Jeremy was his voice. Jeremy sang to Simon all the time, usually basic love songs due to his constant begging. 

The only problem: Simon lived halfway across the country from him, and he was closeted. 

Simon constantly felt guilty. Guilty about his cheating on his girlfriend, Annabelle. Guilty about lying to his friends, his family. But most of all, he felt guilty for lying to Jeremy. Sweet, perfect Jeremy. He was clueless as to what Simon was actually like, mostly due to the fact that whenever they talked, it was like he was living in a different world that revolved around the beautiful blonde boy. 

In those moments, Simon never thought about anything but the boy in the screen in front of him. And that was the problem- he never thought. Not about anything but Jeremy anyway. Not about how his parents would react if they found out, not his girlfriend or best friends, only Jeremy. And quite frankly, he didn’t want to think about anything else.

“Jeremy?” Simon interrupted the boys rambling.

“Hmmm?” Jeremy stopped, knowing that this must’ve been important- Simon never interrupted him.

“I want to see you.” Simon said bluntly, sitting up a little. It was true, all Simon wanted was to hear that sweet, soft voice in real life. He wanted to really love Jeremy, at least for one night. 

“I want to see you too, you know I do, but you also know I can’t afford plane tickets, or to stay in a hotel. I also can’t miss school.” Jeremy whined. He wasn’t poor, but he definitely didn’t have enough for travel expenses. 

“I can pay, I want to pay. You can stay with me, my parents don’t care. I just,” Simon paused, taking a breath. “I just really want to be with you, and I hate every moment that you can’t be here with me. I need you.” 

“I love you.” Jeremy said for about the thousandth time. He adored Simon, and he knew Simon adored him back, but he didn’t know why he never really admitted it.

“Goodnight, Jeremy.” Simon said, acting like he ignored the other boys last statement while he pressed the end button. 

He didn’t ignore it though, his stomach was full of butterflies whenever Jeremy said those three words. Simon felt the same way, he just couldn’t say it. How could he? He had a girlfriend, who he said he loved all the time, but it didn’t feel the same as saying it to Jeremy. Simon didn’t want to admit it, not to himself, not to Jeremy, but he was so incredibly in love with him. He didn’t know how to express how strongly he felt for the other boy. He didn’t necessarily want to feel that way, but he didn’t not like the feeling. 

Jeremy, on the other hand, loved the feeling. He loved Simon, and he didn’t care who knew it. He told his friends all the time how much he loved this boy. Hell, he told pretty much everyone he knew how wonderful his boyfriend was. Jeremy was completely clueless to Simon being closeted, and about him having a girlfriend. He wanted to ask Simon about it, but Simon didn’t talk much, especially about his emotions. Jeremy was more of the talker, always talking about something that happened in his week, or constantly reminding the other boy how much he loved him, just to be turned down.

20 minutes later, Jeremy picked up his phone, opening it up to Simon’s texts, typing quickly.

jeremy: “we’ll figure it out. goodnight love.”

 

_If you and I lie where we are ___  
_So far away from where you and I ___  
_Tried not to fall, our lips had other plans ___  
_You and I caught in a life ___  
_With far too much to lose ___  
_Is a lie love ___  
_For a night? ___  
_Say goodbye love ___

_____ _

jeremy: “i’m on my way. see you in a bit, love.”

Simon smiled down at his phone, reading the long awaited text from Jeremy. His heart was beating out of his chest, his stomach fluttering out of control. 

Jeremy was on his way to Simon's house from the airport, and Simon could barely contain his excitement. He had gotten dressed almost an hour and a half early, and was constantly checking on the batch of roses he had bought the day before, just to make sure none had fallen. He wanted everything to be perfect, but he knew that nothing could go wrong while he was with him.

While Simon was practically bursting with excitement, he was also very, very nervous. He didn’t know why, maybe it was the fact that he’s hiding it from his parents while they’re gone for the weekend, or because he had cancelled plans with Annabelle and Lilette without telling them why. But most of all, it was because of the fact that Jeremy was coming to his house. The boy couldn’t believe he was going to have a boy with him, at his house, in his bedroom, alone. In that type of way. His heart fluttered just thinking about it, how the boy he was secretly in love with was coming to see him.

Simon’s thoughts were interrupted as he heard three knocks at his door. He practically jumped up, grabbing his roses and walking fast out of his bedroom. Simon inhaled as he straightened out his shirt and ran his free hand through his hair, exhaling as he turned the knob.

Standing there was Jeremy, who looked down at him with a huge grin. Simon felt like he was going to pass out at the sight of him. The taller boy stood there so calmly, his icy blue eyes looking Simon up and down.

Simon, completely speechless and dumbfounded, opened the door a little more and held out the roses. “You can come in, these are for y-“ 

Jeremy quickly pressed his lips against Simon’s, kissing him slowly. Simon pulled away, quickly closing and locking the door behind him before reconnecting their lips. Jeremy cupped the other boys cheek while their lips moved together almost instantly, as if they had done this a hundred times before. Simon could feel the euphoria racing through his body, like he was high off of Jeremy’s lips. Kissing him was more than he could ever have dreamed of, and he dreamed about it a lot. Still, Simon was left breathless as he led the other boy to his room, Jeremy dropping the roses on the table and looking back at Simon.

“I love you, Simon.” Jeremy whispered as Simon closed his bedroom door behind him. Simon inhaled before looking back up at him.

“I know.” 

Simon watched the sleeping boy’s bare chest rise and fall peacefully. He wished that he could see this sight forever, Jeremy looked absolutely stunning lying beside him. Simon didn’t know how he deserved to have someone as good as Jeremy. He pushed back the boy’s hair out of his face, analyzing every part of his incomprehensibly gorgeous face. Looking at Jeremy made Simon realize why he fell in love with him in the first place. He carefully ran the side of his finger against Jeremy’s cheeks, as if his face was delicate glass that could break at the slightest touch. Jeremy’s eyes fluttered a bit as he moved closer to Simon, wrapping his arm around him and breathing softly. Simon’s hands made their way through Jeremy’s soft, straight long hair, while closing his eyes and moving closer into Jeremy’s warm embrace. 

“I love you, Jeremy.” He whispered softly before drifting to sleep. 

 

_To my lover in another place ___  
_You know me, you show me now ___  
_To my lover with another face ___  
_You drug me, you love me now ___

_____ _

“I miss you.” Jeremy said through the computer screen, resting his head on his desk. 

It had been 2 weeks since Jeremy flew back home, and Simon hadn’t been the same since. He never stopped thinking about Jeremy. He constantly thought about kissing him, or falling asleep in his arms. He hadn’t been able to focus at all, and it was painfully obvious to everyone that something was up with him. But he wouldn’t dare tell a soul about Jeremy.

“I miss you too. I wish you could’ve stayed longer.” Simon sighed, fiddling with his hands as he spoke. 

“Maybe you can come here next time for longer? We can go out, you can meet my friends and family, we can do other things.” Jeremy’s laughed as his mind drifted to the events that happened that night with Simon. 

Simon's cheeks heated and turned deep shades of pink when he thought about Jeremy. That night was one of the most special nights of his life, it was the first time he had ever done anything with a boy. Sure, he has had sex with Annabelle before, but that was nothing compared to what he felt for Jeremy. 

He would do anything to experience that feeling again. The feeling of truly loving, and being loved, even if that meant he had to come out to everyone around him. Come out as a fraud, a liar, a cheater. He didn’t care, he just wanted to be with Jeremy. He needed to be with him. 

Jeremy and Simon talked for hours on end, just about anything and everything. They constantly craved each other’s presence, he dreamed about hearing Jeremy’s voice, the sweet feeling of his lips pressed against his. Simon looked at his phone, the words 2:12AM shining brightly back at him. He showed his phone to the camera, pointing to the time and Jeremy nodded.

“Goodnight, love.” Simon smiled tiredly, clicking off of the call.

“I love you.” Jeremy breathed to himself before shutting his laptop.

 

_If you and I die where we are ___  
_Just ghosts of what we’ve done ___  
_Does our love try to go on ___  
_Some secret place within? ___  
_You and I are permanent ___  
_Our bodies know our sins ___  
_Is a lie love ___  
_For a night? ___  
_Say goodbye love ___

_____ _

_____ _

Simon’s phone had been going off for hours, the sound text after text echoing in his brain.

jeremy: what?  
jeremy: simon, please tell me you’re joking.  
jeremy: this cant be happening  
jeremy: simon please answer me  
jeremy: i need to know what i did wrong  
jeremy: simon  
jeremy: please  
jeremy: i love you. please call me  
jeremy: goodnight

Simon didn’t want to look at his phone, he would rather burn it than look the messages. He knew he hurt Jeremy, he just couldn’t stand to think about it because earlier that day, Annabelle had found the used condom in his trash. 

“What the hell is this?” She yelled, pointing to the trash can. Of course he knew what she was talking about, but he just gave her a confused look.

“Simon, why is there a condom in your trash can?!” She yelled, tears forming in her eyes. “And don’t you dare try to tell me it was one of ours, we always do it at my house, not yours.” Annabelle cried, and Simon couldn’t even make eye contact with her. He felt like he was drowning in his guilty conscience, unable to breathe.

“I’m gay.” He said quietly, tears streaming down his cheeks. Annabelle looked at him, stunned, before scoffing and storming out of his room. 

“Annabelle, wait-“ Simon said louder, getting up to go after her. She stopped and turned around to look at him. 

“Just do me a favor and never talk to me again.” She said harshly through tears, storming out of his house and slamming the door behind her.

Simon went back to his room, also slamming the door behind him so hard that he thought it was going to fall off. Tears ran down his face as he let out a loud sob, sitting down at the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. 

Simon knew Annabelle would tell everyone about him. He just wanted to hide in his room forever, never coming out for anything or anyone. He should’ve felt bad for Annabelle, for lying to her, for not letting her down easily. But he didn’t. All he could think about was Jeremy. 

How could he face Jeremy? He had been lying to the one person he had ever truly loved, how would Jeremy react? Before Simon could think about anything anymore, he reached for his phone on his nightstand and pulled up his messages with Jeremy. He shakily typed out a message, sending it without hesitation and chucking his phone across the room.

simon: i can’t do this anymore. i love you, i always have loved you. i just can’t be with you. 

Simon let out another sob, lying down onto his bed and burying his face into his pillow. He hated himself for what he’s done to himself, and to the people he loves. The person he loves. 

All he wanted to do was think about Jeremy. He cried for hours, lying in the darkness, listening to his phone go off repeatedly with missed calls and texts that he knew were from him. He just wanted to think about Jeremy’s warmth again, his lips, his smile. Everything good about him, about them together.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t think about why he loved Jeremy so much, he couldn’t think about the time they spent together. He couldn’t only think about what Jeremy could be feeling, how hurt he probably was.

After what seemed like a lifetime of crying into his pillow, Simon shakily got out of bed, getting his phone from the other side of the room. He read the messages, and the 17 missed calls from Jeremy as he sat back on his bed. 

He listened to Jeremy’s voicemails over and over, listening to the cries and choked sobs coming from the other line. Tears stained his cheeks as he thought about him making Jeremy cry. Simon opened up his messages, biting his lip to stop himself from sobbing loudly as he typed out one final text to Jeremy.

simon: goodbye, love.


End file.
